A few years ago my spiritual director of the time asked me to go and write my own obituary. This wasn't her way of telling me to 'go forth and multiply', but a tangential approach to helping me think through what it is I really value from life and want to be remembered for.Boiling all of that thought down, the essence is this: I want to make a difference by helping others connect with God.
This is my hope and my heart. And the converse is my fear. A life where I make little or no difference. A life where I don't leave footprints in anyone's heart.
I took that thought with me to Pluscarden, and voiced it among the guys on the first night together. When I'm tired and overworked, these are the times when I wonder what it's all about and whether anything I'm doing has any lasting value.
The next day I realised I'd thrown an envelope in the back of the car - my treasurer had handed it to me as I left the church and I hadn't taken it indoors when I got home. I opened it and read these words from a young woman whose wedding service I'd taken just before Christmas (and I record them to show that God is good, not me!)
"We wanted to thank you for your beautiful service and acknowledge the time and energy you must have put in to personalise our special day. Your heartfelt words touched both Steve and I, and your warmth, humour and sincerity reached out to all of our weddings guests. In fact we were bombarded by friends and family who said it was the happiest and most joyful service that they had ever been to, and we owe that to you alone.... we look forward to continuing to see you on Sundays"
I see a providence in the fact that those words were there for me to read on that day. It was God's way of saying - "There you go. Take heart. These are the kind of footprints you're leaving"
5 comments:
That's beautiful.
I want and fear the same things. My greatest regret about the way that I'm living at the moment is that I don't know if I'm doing any good.
I guess that for all of us the mantra is 'keep close to God and let him worry about the rest'.
Where are your spiritual roots just now, Anna? Have you managed to tie in with a Christian community of any kind yet, or are you a bit of a nomad? It must be hard to know what to do if Cardiff looks like coming off.
Blessings
FBL
Exactly. My mind, time, and attention are very divided, so yes I'm a nomad right now. Getting into a Christian community seems impossible and pointless if I'm just going to be moving in a few months...
lol sorry, I don't want to burden your blog post with my pathetic whining, that's what my blog is for! ;)
It's not whining at all - I asked, and you answered!
God can be God in the desert too, Anna. That's what the nomadic Israelites had to learn subsequent to the Exodus.
I keep coming back to these words written by Sister Kirsty, in her book ‘The Choice':
“It is not the place where you are that is the important thing. It is the intensity of your presence there. It is not the situation that counts. What counts is that you are fully alive in any situation - looking hard at the place where you are, instead of wanting to work wonders elsewhere”.
I don't mean that to disparage your plans to move; I just want to remind you that here and now can be a good place. What would make it so for you?
Blessings
FBL
This is not life in abundance.
This is life in a coma.
I want to work hard and play hard but I've sunk into a stupor of just getting through the days...
I don't know how to have adventures in Plymouth! I do in Cardiff. I went home to the Isle of Wight and it felt like I came to life, I'm sure my boyfriend noticed the change. Whether it's the place or the circumstances or whatever I'm not sure, but I want to get out of here because it's putting me to sleep.
Post a Comment