A few years ago my spiritual director of the time asked me to go and write my own obituary. This wasn't her way of telling me to 'go forth and multiply', but a tangential approach to helping me think through what it is I really value from life and want to be remembered for.Boiling all of that thought down, the essence is this: I want to make a difference by helping others connect with God.
This is my hope and my heart. And the converse is my fear. A life where I make little or no difference. A life where I don't leave footprints in anyone's heart.
I took that thought with me to Pluscarden, and voiced it among the guys on the first night together. When I'm tired and overworked, these are the times when I wonder what it's all about and whether anything I'm doing has any lasting value.
The next day I realised I'd thrown an envelope in the back of the car - my treasurer had handed it to me as I left the church and I hadn't taken it indoors when I got home. I opened it and read these words from a young woman whose wedding service I'd taken just before Christmas (and I record them to show that God is good, not me!)
"We wanted to thank you for your beautiful service and acknowledge the time and energy you must have put in to personalise our special day. Your heartfelt words touched both Steve and I, and your warmth, humour and sincerity reached out to all of our weddings guests. In fact we were bombarded by friends and family who said it was the happiest and most joyful service that they had ever been to, and we owe that to you alone.... we look forward to continuing to see you on Sundays"
I see a providence in the fact that those words were there for me to read on that day. It was God's way of saying - "There you go. Take heart. These are the kind of footprints you're leaving"
